Household Name

I work in the technology biz; I have since before completing my secondary education, plying God-given talents to make my way and eventually establish a career and support my family. As such, I am constantly surrounded with reminders of the increasingly wired nature of society in all its facets and interactions.

Despite this immersion, even knowing how most of it all works, I have not ceased in my amazement. I pursue gadgetry to enable my hobbies and lifestyle, ever-reducing the amount of effort required to do those things I like and need to do.

This last weekend, however, surprised me at just how unique this isn't. How completely the advances have ingrained themselves into even casual patterns. Because of that pervasion, I'm certain most of what I say here will seem unremarkable.

My wife has been on the lookout for a new entertainment center - something with cabinet enclosures for the television and which plays well with corners. Buying these things new is a cost-prohibitive affair even without looking for quality. To ease the financial burden, she's been combing the local craigslist several times daily in order to pounce on the freshly listed items. She found and we subsequently purchased a 3-piece cherry wood (stained laminate) set much nicer than our old one.

After coordinating via cell-phone and email, finances were handled through a credit-card draft and cash transfer via third party (PayPal), and to make sure the larger item would fit in the intended space? I nearly-effortlessly whipped up a three-dimensional representation of the designated corner of our living room and dropped the figures in (all with Google Sketchup) to prove the viability of the arrangement.

The reality matches almost perfectly, though I did put the oak-outcropping of the mantle a little too high and none of the colors are very close.

Excepting that last übergeeky exercise, none of this really raises an eyebrow anymore. 5 years ago the entirety would have been almost unfathomable, or at least unreasonably expensive and unfamiliar to the layman. On the front-line I still stand here having this, "back in my day..." episode now, when my daughters will be raised in the environment when all this was tedium.

I hope they will also be amazed.

In a brief self-edit of this entry before publishing I'm appalled at the poor composition and frequent sentence fragmentation. While I can recognize it, I don't think I feel up to doing anything about it; which means I knowingly thrust this tragic text upon thee.

Whiny Health Crap

Yes, a little bit more of it.

A quote from a journal of mine, concerning the continuing physical struggles:

"A lot of it is due to the fact that I've started working out again. My body's demands for oxygen and other blood carried nutrients increase, though they don't get them! Tests have always revealed a heightened level of whatever felt was [lacking], though the surrounding tissues still lack - the answer? They're not moving out of the blood." - Book X, pp13-14 (emphasis in original)

The ambiguous pronouns refer to both those specific compounds or gases desired and transmitted by blood, and pockets of tissue intended to receive them (not in that order). Not well written, I'll admit; also not the first time I'd postulated the theory, but it's one of the earlier occurrences I can find in writing.

It also happens to be dated November 22nd, 1998: A momentous day in its own right, since later that afternoon I would meet my future wife.

The "tests" to which I made reference were an arterial blood gas (ABG) sample and a cardio-pulmonary stress workup which were done nearly a year prior, before I moved out of Washington State. The results specifically showed physical deconditioning in that the stressed systems exhibited a switch over to anaerobic activity at only the 70th percentile of the bell curve for my age group and lifestyle; the ABG indicated superb oxygenation, however. I'm not sure what the pH levels were, but knowing what I do now I'd love to go back and get my hands on the figures to see.

These two facts seemed to me to contradict one another - why would I fall back to anaerobic metabolism under marked exertion while the materials to support continued aerobic performance were abundantly available?

The Dr., who I never felt was really listening to me (likely under pressure from family to dismiss the issue), just told me I was out of shape and that was the end. This, despite the fact that at the time I was a svelte 145 lbs with lean muscular build (obviously no bulk at that weight, which was possibly too light - but also had a phenomenal general metabolism, so gaining weight was difficult) who had been at peak capability in several high-demand activities up until 18 months before, and only sought medical advice because I found my stamina inexplicably waning. I was not out of shape.

So instead I formulated the theory stated above - that something wasn't working quite right in the periphery. I knew what I was experiencing, and that it was abnormal - but ran out of money and insurance in the move to Utah, and had to let the matter drop. Later, after marrying someone wonderful who also happened to work for the largest insurance provider in the state, I was able to look at things a little more.

The tests were repeated, although the ABG failed this time (technician goof). It was also augmented with echocardiograms, both resting and stressed, and a lung capacity and nuclear perfusion scan. The results in this case were similar, but the same party did not score them together. The answers where given to me as, "we suspect reduced cardiac output" and "your heart is just fine - and your lungs are almost off the charts." I interpreted this to mean that though physically underperforming (the reduced output), there wasn't a good explanation for it.

It was not until working with my current Dr., who pulled the results and added them together for a more comprehensive evaluation, that the answer becomes clear: the stress test measures output gases (hose strapped to the face) as a secondary indicator of heart stroke volume. If the left ventricle does its job right, the freshly oxygenated blood is sent coursing throughout the body to be picked up by those areas in need. This (obviously) increases in frequency and volume under stress, which is why good exercise gets the heart up. In my case, the measured gases indicated that not enough oxygen was being taken up. This was originally interpreted to mean that the delivery mechanism wasn't fulfilling the requirements, thus the diagnosis of insufficient stroke volume.

Viewed in concert with the stress echocardiogram, which specifically measured those parameters in a precise and targeted fashion, this is not the case: the heart does its duty well. Good oxygenated blood is getting where it needs to. The answer, then?

I was right: the periphery is failing to make use of the available materials, and there aren't many things which can cause that. All this time spent looking for other answers has helped to weed out and reduce some manifest symptoms, but the original condition is still what I'd suspected. And this time, I have a Dr. who agrees with me - not because of my tale of woe and long-suffering theories, but by reaching an identical conclusion through separate analysis.

After starting the CPAP therapy a few months ago, to reduce the fractured REM from mild apnea, I was able to concentrate better and found myself more able to be physically active. Together with the proton-pump inhibitor (which satisfied the acid reflux which you may recall was causing referred chest pain) I had some exercise tolerance back. I used it to its fullest, running through every kata I'd ever been taught until perfectly drenched with sweat. I didn't much remember sweating back in the days near the end of my good activity before, and it was pleasant to go through it again and again, daily.

This lasted 2 1/2 months before the amount of sweat began to be reduced, and instead of feeling invigorated I became groggy massively fatigued immediately, followed by an affected night and even into the next day. I've had to trail off again in order to avoid triggering those episodes which I could only manage through frequent naps last time.

Going back to the recent conclusions, this is because systemic metabolism has increased once again beyond the body's ability to supply for that demand. The harder I work now, the worse I'll feel.

Next up we'll be looking at those few things that can cause this particular coincidence of symptoms. My guess is the post-exertional malaise has a flavor of metabolic acidosis to it (which is why I'd love to see the pH levels in earlier tests), caused by the output of cellular metabolism switching to glucose for energy instead of relying on the ATP output of the mitochondria (which require oxygen to do their work properly), in turn because the mitochondria are malfunctioning. The two concomitant conditions (metabolic acidosis and mitochondiral cytosis) are capable of producing exactly the scenarios I endure, and correspond to the available data.

Another option would be some neurological factor that's causing temperature dysregulation et al, but there are other indicators in those cases which would be expected to be present that have never been manifest (no ultra-dramatic sudden onset of muscle weakness, no visual disturbances). Which is good, because the ones capable of doing what I am experiencing might be some precursor for MS (not too keen on that idea).

I'm going to place my bet on abstract mitochondrial myopathy for now, and let you know how it turns out.

This text is in need of editing, but I don't plan to do it. Too much else to take care of.

Strontium 90

A little something I created for a PhotoShop contest at Worth1000 in November of 2003.

Creative Hesitation

Ah, the agony of a blank canvas. In this case, the orange skin of the favorite seasonal gourd.

Years past I've done a spider (apple corer carved eyes, thin slits cut from the flesh of the sides and rotated to protrude as legs), failed adventurer (leather fedora, coiled whip at the side, and an expression of mortal dismay cross-eyed toward the sword blade running it straight through), various ghouls (the most grotesquely deformed specimens I can find whose peculiarities are adapted into distorted expressions worthy of Bill Waterson), and a demon whose slanted eye leftovers were implanted at the temples to become horns.

In 2001 (the year of the spider) I wanted to try out the "first-time/last-time parachuter," vertically bisected and tipped face-down into a puddle of innards on a sheet marked with a bulls-eye. Unopened chute still attached intact. Unfortunately, I'd settled on this design in early September prior to the WTC attacks, and thought it would be in pour taste given the fresh images of the tragedy. I'm tempted to revive it now, especially with more surface area on the front walk at this home.

However, I'm also interested in being lazy. Working solely with the pumpkin, or with as little accessorization as possible, is more appealing to me. I can always fall-back to a popular theme applied unusually, such as a pirate-o-lantern, but it lacks that slight edge of perversion I normally look for.

For now it sits there, mocking me: all 26.72lbs of spheroid vegetable matter. But my day will come...

Stoking the Furnace

During the Liang dynasty, Daruma Taishi sought to teach Chan Buddhism to the Shaolin monks in the Henan province of China. Owing to the sedentary nature of the scholastic life, the monks were unable to withstand the rigors of the ascetic practices which Taishi used to help focus the body, spirit, and mind along with his teaching. He overcame this by introducing exercises based on a system of fighting so that both body and spirit could be strengthened in tandem and a greater depth of religious understanding attained - for how could the mind, housed in a fragile body, otherwise be so controlled?

Or so the records on the history of karate would have us believe. There are some variations on the contributions of Taishi (also the Bodhidharma) to Shuri-ryu, recorded both by the Chinese and Japanese styles which have descended therefrom.

Regardless of the details I like this interpretation, as there is certainly truth to be had in it. Sleep has only been the first part in the equation of overcoming my long-present mental fog. As my rest has been improved and some other nervous (literally "of the nerves," not "anxious") agitation has been reigned in, my ability to focus has improved considerably, along with my exercise tolerance. When I perform that exercise, even in small portions, the benefit of the refined sleep is magnified.

I spent several years avoiding the triggers to my suffering, structuring my life as to be uncomplicated by it. In doing so I also robbed myself of the necessary stresses to maintain sufficient physical conditioning in a no-win situation: any attempt at vigor cost me dearly in the very near term (24-48 hours worth) as pain, extra fatigue, etc. Instead, I fell out of shape and had to live only with a reduced stamina.

Now I'm faced with my history of increasingly large pants and a daunting goal of working my way back up the chain to something I'm more comfortable with. Engaging metabolism while still retaining enough energy for the day (the intolerance is decreased, not removed) is a balance I'm still trying to find. I'm very grateful for the chance to try, though, and in keeping with my personal philosophies that means I must do, within reason, all I can to seize that opportunity.

Especially as I now have a child in school, and traces of every conceivable communicable disease will be wafting in the door behind her this winter, resulting in many a sleepless night for children and parents both.